Dont Be This Girl. She is Irrational.

To a cognitive behavioral psychotherapist, I am irrational. I see the worst possible outcome in everything, ooh be realistic here, I only do that because it helps me overcompensate..I can also accuse me of wearing rose-colored glasses, but I digress..back to my question, am i irrational? Here irrationality is defined as the tendency and leaning that humans have to act, emote and think in ways that are inflexible, unrealistic, absolutist and most importantly self- and socially-defeating and destructive. So one day, you see, I wake up and decide its time to kill myself...since i'm not useful yet, i might as well die..its that all or nothing thought process that brings me back again and again to the starting point in a lot of things I do. I sit and give myself absolute terms,..it either works this way or i'm done. I try up to the point where i cant try anymore and I look back and see all my hardwork go down the drain, it doesn't feel good at 1st,..but i learn to live with it. You as a reader are probably wondering where this is going to aren't you?,..I'll tell you. The inflexibility in the decisions i make about very little things allows no room for growth so i stay stagnant and when nothing works the way i want it to, i get depressed and in the depths of my self inflicted despair i look up and cut myself a little more for being inflexible. You see...its a cycle. but its one i'm very used to. i don't know how to be someone else. i don't know how to allow for the mistakes i'm sure to make. i'm so mean to myself. i tell myself what a failure i am day in day out,.i hear it when nobody says it, i hear it when people say otherwise, i see myself mocking me when i look in the mirror, so each year  i outdo myself..i wake up and say, this year has to be better but it is not even within limits. i reach for things i cannot have maybe its the knowing that i will fail at it or maybe its just the pain i get from failing that makes me not try hard enough. either way, i fail, again and again and again. If you are reading this..this is not a suicide note..this its just a glimpse into how you should not live your life. be flexible...allow the simple things, do not over-think it, don't drown yourself in your head. you're wondering why i'm not taking my own advice aren't you?..my answer is simple. i know what is right,i just don't believe it. i don't know how to explain that...but that sums me up in one sentence. Again, before you find yourself a little too far gone down this road i have chosen for myself, I want you to always ask yourself if you are irrational.. Can there be another explanation for this??...Does my perspective seem a little off? can I do this? Is this within limit or it just a little past my comfort zone enough for me to accomplish it? Am I being completely objective with this particular course of action? If you are not satisfied with the answers you get, retrace your steps, you cant get proper results when you do the right things the wrong way or vice-versa. Don't be like me the irrational thinker. Don't live the unhappy life I choose to live. Don't be this girl.